April 13, 2009

New Attitude / Next, Testimony – “Do You Believe That I Know,” by Bob Kauflin

Posted in Disability, prophecy, Stories at 8:58 pm by Sarah Bosse

New Attitude 2008 was my first time at New Attitude.  When I came to NA ’08, I was worn out physically and emotionally from fighting chronic pain.  I had so many questions to ask God, and I was hoping for direct answers. 

Will I always need this wheelchair?  Is this pain chronic?  What about my future and a family?  I’m weary of trying to figure out all of this!  I need answers.

The questions were eating me apart.  Some of my questions were revealing idols in my life, and the fact that I had set my identity in things other than Christ.  A lack of trust in God was being uncovered.  God felt distant.  Did He care that I was despairing?  Was this really the “best” thing for me?  Was He even listening to my heart’s cry, and did He care about the details in my life when He has a whole universe that spins to proclaim His mighty works?! 

I was seeking the answers to earthly questions that regard this temporary life.  But God had a different kind of answer to give me.

During one of our worship times, Bob Kauflin, the worship leader for NA ’08 began singing a prophetic and spontaneous song for people who have chronic pain.  The words reached down into my very core; into the deepest pain that wasn’t just physical.  It touched the darkest areas where I didn’t know how to reconcile God’s sovereignty with God’s love. 

Click Here to Listen!
Or Free Download Here!

These are the lyrics to the song:

Do you believe that I know what is best?
Can you believe that I’ve chosen you for this test?
Though you may not understand it
Though you may not have a clue
I’ve designed what you’re going through just for you.

I’ve heard the questions that you’ve asked me
When you wonder if I care
My promises are trustworthy
You can know I am there

And my Son knows what it is
He suffered in your place
He took the pain that you deserved
So you could know my grace

And there will be a day
When there’ll be no more pain
You’ll look upon my face
And know the trial was worth it

In all the things I do
I’m working now in you
To trust me, to know me
To believe me, to love me
To draw close to me

And if I heal you, I can heal you
I have the power to take this away
But if you don’t see it until you see me
Will anything be changed?

You’ve wondered if I know what is best
I’ve chosen you for this test
And my grace is sufficient for all that you need
For my grace will lead you to Me.

My spirit cried, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”  Conviction washed over my soul in a flood while it seemed the very arms of my God, which had taken the nails for me, wrapped around me so tightly and would not let me go!  Oh, the relief of trusting in my God!  If I gladly trusted Him with my salvation, why should I not also trust Him with all the details of my life?  He will heal me on that glorious homecoming day, and in a spiritual sense, He has and continues to heal me now.  Any pain that reaches me comes covered by the blood of Jesus, for the working of God’s plan.  Praise the Lord!

This song became a cornerstone for me during the past year, and I hope that it will be my life song; a song of God’s work in my life and His sufficiency.  I have played and sung this song so many times with tears of mingled joy, conviction, and relief, that the song is in the back pocket of my mind at all times.  It became not just a song of comfort, but is becoming a testimony in itself, working out through my life as the Lord leads me in obedience while I lean on His promises. 

The Lord has looked upon my lowly estate and has filled my hungry soul with good things!  Blessed be the name of the Lord, who supplies grace that is more than sufficient to meet our every need!

 Sarah M. Bosse


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